Welcome to another installment of Rants, Ravings, and Nerf-Herders!
This week, I want to talk a little about relationships. More specifically, the dreaded "friend zone" and whether or not it actually exists.
Before we jump in there, allow me to apologize! I did not ask how your week has been! Anything new and exciting happen?
I hope you'll feel open to sharing in the comments. I don't write these things because I like the... um, sound of my writing voice... or whatever.... I truly would like your feed back!
So, yeah, um. Fair warning, this may be a long post....
Continue on past the jump and we'll take a look into the void that is: THE FRIENDSHIP ZONE!!!
A couple weeks back, I was talking with -- more like listening in on a conversation between -- two ladies I'm working on a stage show with. The topic of guys came up. And if you kind readers are not aware: *SPOILER ALERT* I happen to be a guy. I know, big shock, right?
I didn't interject much, save the occasional ,"Yup. Guys are asses..." and nods of agreement. 'Cause let's face it gentlemen: we can be pretty big d-bags at times. I felt privileged to be a fly on the wall in that conversation! There was a lot that was said. And a lot that wasn't. But the main theme is/was that the mythical, dreaded, deadly, "friend zone" does not, nor did ever exist.
Ladies, I hope you'll forgive me. I'm going to talk mostly to the guys that read this. However, those that actually do, may not need to hear the things I'm about to write.
First off, let's explore this zone.
When I hear of this term, my mind keeps going to images like this one:
|See the seriousness in his eyes?!|
|But he's really a "nice guy"!|
I'm gonna go geeky here, and all Potterhead, but the character of Severus Snape has it right. Let me repeat that: the character of Severus Snape has. It. Right. Let that sink in. He loved Lilly so much that on numerous occasions, he saved Harry from certain doom, going as far as to give his own life to do so. That level of unrequited love gives him this mythical Mastership of all those in the friend zone. That brings me to my next point:
What better way to get to be closer to the girl of your dreams than by being her friend?!?!
Yes, it's not your ideal. No, she may never, ever be your girlfriend. Do you really want to give all that up by being a whiny baby? I mean, seriously. When have you ever gotten your way by whining and bitching about it? I know I certainly haven't. I can tell you right now, if I bitched out and walked away from every friendship I had with a special lady, I would have been surrounded by a bunch of guys doing the same thing. And I never would have had the awesome friends that I've had over my (almost)
No matter how much you press, cajole, coerce, or what-have-you, you're not going to change her mind. She may give in, but probably just to shut you the eff up! You have got to show her how much she means to you. Regardless of how long that process takes. Period. I need to point out here that it's not merely telling her how you feel (which admittedly might open doors...), but showing her respect when, and if, she rejects those romantic gestures. Respect her as a person, and get to know her as a person, and you will get your opportunity to show, physically show, her how much she means to you. No, that doesn't mean sex. It means that you will be in her life and able to do the kind gestures your heart so desperately desires, just to see her smile. At the end of the day, isn't that one smile worth it all?
Again, she may NEVER return the romantic feelings you have for her. Ever. But she will get the message that she is special to you. That will not go unnoticed. That brings me to this final point:
This mythical "friend zone" exists only in the minds and hearts of those too weak to face the challenge of loving someone without the expectation of love in return.
Yes. I'm calling you guys out. You're weak. You can't handle being alone. You cannot master your emotions. You still think these women (and men, if this applies to my gay friends) are trinkets, objects that you can collect. Own. Guess what? You're wrong.
There's a difference between recognizing a fantasy life, and letting that fantasy control your life. That's what you're doing by giving in to this idea of a friend zone. You're wasting all the potential that you have as a human being. We are creatures built for love, compassion, and togetherness. We have the potential to hate, demean, and degrade, but we have evolved to be more aware of this, to overcome this baseness.
Step up your game guys. Have the courage to show your love without any requirements. Create a space, a new zone, where you are the force for love. Don't be afraid of that word. It is the most powerful word you can ever have in your arsenal. Most importantly: recognize that love... is a verb. That means that you must continually do it. In everything you attempt. Don't just say it (that's important too...); do it. Actively love someone other than yourself. Without reservation. Without pause. You'll be surprised what can happen.
So there ya go. My thoughts on the "friend zone". As I snuck in there in the last part, not sure if these rules apply to my gay friends. If this is an issue for you guys, please comment below. Love is universal. We all only go 'round once... unless you believe in reincarnation. But I don't know their rules on eternity. So... yeah.
Like, comment, G+, hate-mail... the usual. Let me know your thoughts. And share. If you know someone that would benefit from this rambling, please send them on over. Thanks for reading.
Oh! Teaser for next week! I was inspired to try my hand at poetry.... Never done it before. Well, except the "Roses are red, Violets are blue..." from grade school, but that doesn't really count anyway, right? So if you want to see how miserably I crash and burn (don't judge too harshly....), make sure you tune in next week!
Until then: Stay classy, interwebs!